3 factors that contribute to my current mood:
a. I really, really miss Thailand and my kids.
b. I'm feeling almost ready to transition and embrace change.
c. I need some sleep.
Today has kind of been a hard day. Hard being extremely relevant and probably not appropriate. The people in Haiti are having hard days. I have dear friends having bad days. I had an off day.
No matter how much time passes (23 months), I still very much miss the children I spent 6 months of my life with. Their faces still fill my mind frequently, and every once in a while I love to just think back to their sweet hugs and big, beautiful eyes. Yes, they caused extreme craziness in my life. But those six months of my life changed me forever. I miss the way God would use them to point out my areas of weakness. I miss the way they said Phi Marissa. I just miss them. This week, a friend asked me several questions about Thailand, and it was a gift. She had no clue how much I truly loved talking about it. The downfall of experiencing that by yourself...no one really wants to talk about it with you. I really love when someone curious finds out that I went to Thailand. I welcome their questions.
After investing A LOT of my time, energy, and passion into a ministry for going on my fifth year, I feel that God is preparing me to transition out. The reality of this is sometimes overwhelming. I can only imagine the feelings I'll be experiencing at the end of the summer. And in a weird twist of events, I have the job position that for so long I thought I wanted. Funny (not right now) how that works! But for the next 4 months I'll be devoting hours and hours each week to prepare for these summer camps, and then I'll work close to 9 weeks of camp. And then...I'll potentially be finished. For good.
Change is coming. I know it is, and I, Marissa, am welcoming it. As I look to venture out from here again, my heart desires to be faithful in the now. It's easy to dream about what is to come and long for something new, but I would hate to miss what God has for me today. I find myself continually surrendering to the Lord and laying my longings before Him. I say it over and over, "God, I WILL lay my longings before you." The past 6 months have been so...different than other seasons of my life. They haven't fit a mold, and I would suspect the next 4 will be similar. I want my heart to be in alignment with my Father's heart and fully His. I want to be faithful with the time and job he's placed before me. I want my life to reflect the beauty of my Creator- even in the small, mundane tasks of my day.
I don't know what is coming my way or just how crazy I am. I do know I have the best family in the world for putting up with my ridiculousness for the past several months. They have loved me with kindness and pointed me towards Jesus. What more could one ask for?
I already feel kind of lost knowing the absence of FCC is coming. But I so believe my God is working in me. And this summer? It. WILL. be. awesome!
An ambush is coming.
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